Clean Sweep

Yesterday I learned a couple of things.

(1) If you move across the country and start seeing someone who has a mutual friend with your manipulative ex, that small world is never a positive thing. Your manipulative ex twisted your whole relationship to his best friend who just so happens to be the guy you are seeing’s best friend as well. ALSO, that means the guy you’re seeing probably immature and petty as well, no matter how good and well rounded of a person he is. DO NOT FALL FOR IT. Because he for one is petty, and for two follows people’s opinions about you who have never met you and don’t even know you rather than actually forming his own opinions about you. You will feel heartbroken and used and played and attacked. This will last for about 12 hours.

Which brings me to number 2.

(2) Avoid feelings at all costs. No one likes to feel betrayed or lied to or heartbroken. These feelings lead to tears and lots of bad food or alcohol. (I bought both but dabbled into nothing). Also, you might watch a movie that directly relates to your life. I say do it. I may help. For me it just helped me become so emotionally exhausted that I could fall asleep through my killer anxiety. You might wake up in the middle of the night or in the early hours of the morning and start cursing to the world that he didn’t respond to any of your most persuasive texts (you were really persuasive and he knows it but he’s just a stubborn fuckboy). This is okay, this is recovery. You might actually wake up at normal time and repeat the same process, then guilt trip yourself into texting him again and snapchatting him to see if he’s blocked you yet (you will more than likely regret this part because you hate feeling desperate but sometimes you just need it for closure). He hasn’t blocked you. This may be a win or a loss.

(3) Your mom can tell something is wrong. You tell her. You cry. It’s okay because you’re going into work and have to talk to people all day. NBD. You’re fine. You get off work, he still doesn’t respond. But you don’t text him anymore. In fact, you text as many people in your phone that his thread disappears off the first 10 you see when you open up your messages on your phone. This helps, I promise. You do the same thing with snapchat. But you also post passive aggressive posts on your story in hopes he sees how much of a fuck boy he is. So far its not working. You make a promise to yourself. Never fall in love. Never fall for a guy again. You are too good with a good heart to be fucked over continually time after time again. It’s not fair.

Which brings me to the main focus.

(4) Clean Sweep. Clean sweep your life of males. Clean Sweep your phone of males. Leave the ones that go unbothered or that mean something to you (friend/family member). Or leave the one(s) that you hope come to their sense of reality and stop acting like high schoolers. We will do this in rounds and sections. Today we (you) hit snapchat. delete all the unnecessary males – i.e. from tinder, from your state you moved from, from bumble, from the bar. Also delete tinder, bumble, hinge, or whatever dating sites you have. Delete the temptation. This is for you. You need to stop looking for love. If love is the thing for you, God will give it yo you, or if you don’t believe, it will come to you. They always say, “the moment you stop looking, there it is.” I don’t truly believe that, though. Because the one time I stopped looking, I entered the most toxic relationship in my life that ended up being my first love that I had to make the impossible decision of leaving. And to this day I still regret leaving and still wish I was with him, but that is now impossible. But back to the main point. 2017 is for you. Yeah you may have fucked up on month number one. but you have 11 more months to make it yours. You can do it. Believe in yourself and put faith into it (whatever you believe in, I’m no judge here).

Words of the year : YOU ARE WORTH IT, I PROMISE.

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