Beloved Week 7: Rest & Trust the Best


What have you been seeking attention, affection, or affirmation from? Has it been from God or something else? Or perhaps God AND something else?

I have been seeking attention from boys and my parents.

Attention from boys have always been a real struggle of mine. Lately, I have been trying to distance myself from boys after being completely heartbroken recently. I am still currently struggling with that painful heartbreak. I never really let my walls down, or even let people in and show my sensitive or caring side. But since I felt comfortable in a short period of time with this one particular individual, i let my walls down. Then the next day he shattered my heart because of what someone who didn’t know me said about me. Since then, I have been trying to fill a void with attention from other guys, and it just feels useless and wasteful. I’m not fully whole yet again.

The attention and I guess more so affirmation that I am seeking from my parents has to do with me proving to them that I am growing up. That I am responsible. That I can pay for 75% of my priorities on my own, but I still want them to see that I am struggling and want to be helped. But I hate asking for help, because I hate the idea of being 23 and living at home and working two jobs and still can’t fully support myself. I just want them to notice that I am trying and to appreciate my efforts and my progress. I paid for all of Nashville, but I pulled out of the trip because I couldn’t afford it. I paid for all of Xgames, along with my spending money. I paid for all of Texas, and worked my ass off for my spending money. I paid for all of Cabo, but I’m in need of support for the spending money. I didn’t get as many hours in the past couple of weeks and I had fraud on my account that I had to get back to the positives with all my savings. The one thing I ask for is help on that, but my biggest fear is asking for money at 23 for something so silly.


1 Corinthians 7

Psalm 37:4 – “take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

Mathew 6:33 – “but seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.




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