Beloved Week 9: When Your Heart Hurts


What has left you feeling broken hearted? It may be a lost love, loss of a loved one, or broken friendship. But it could also be feelings of failure, disappointment, or hopelessness. 

Hmm. What has me feeling broken hearted. I couldn’t fully tell you. But I can tell you this. My version of feeling broken hearted is hopelessness and/or weakness. Recently my side effects of PTSD have come back into my life. I do not know how or why, but it is very prevalent, and frustrating.

I have been having a hard time sleeping – whether its going to sleep, staying a sleep or nightmares. I have been having a lot of trauma nightmares again or I wake up every hour after only two hours of sleep. I wake up in shock like I am missing something important, and seem to be very forgetful.

My hand tremors came back. I have high anxiety when doing new things. I recently just finished training for my first serving job and the idea of doing something new and out of my comfort zone scares me more than anything. Every day I pull up the business and I have a physical anxiety attack. But since I know my face has to be composed when talking to these guests and customers, it goes directly to my hand and starts tremoring. Holding trays isn’t actually affected by my hand tremors but everything else seems to be. And its only in my right hand, vaguely in my left.

The third one I hate talking about and I probably won’t bring it up, but its something that has been happening for years on end, but the doctors think its attached to PTSD. It just makes me paranoid. But it is so unpleasant.

One last thing, PTSD isn’t only related to war or the military. It’s anything trauma related.


Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Psalms 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds”

1 Peter 2:24 “He himself bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.”

1 Corinthians 5:6-7 “Therefore we are always confident and know that as long s we are at home in the body we are away from the LORD.For we live by faith, not by sight.”




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