care.

Caring. The worst and best action.

I recently found myself caring. Caring for someone I don’t even know. Caring on the level that I didn’t think I could for a person ever again. The way that you know that your walls have completely broken down. When you argue all day and you make up, but it still doesn’t feel as if you did. Where you still have to put your input in after the apology, but it goes silent. Where even though you talked all day, you still need to hear their voice.

Caring. The worst and best action.

I normally don’t care like this. Its been rare actually. Now, I always care about people in my life, but never on this deeper level. Anyone that walks into my life, I have some care for. It always takes me longer to get to this deeper level of care. Which is why relationships are hard for me. Most find me unappreciative or shady. Because I don’t show the same level of care as expected. I don’t know how to show that right off the bat. It scares me. I fear this feeling, but once its here, I fear it leaving.

Caring. The worst and best action.

Since it takes me longer to get here, I have to deal with the hardest part. The sense of the receiver drifting. As if I waited too long to let my guard down. As if I had a choice when I felt as if I could trust someone. As if I believe that they aren’t going to brutally hurt me.

Caring. The worst and best action.

I’ve always cared about everything in my life. According to most, it’s a flaw. I care too much. I care about people that don’t care about me back. I care about things I cannot control. And the worst? I care about everything else over the main idea of caring for myself. I’ll care about everyone else and wonder why I always end up getting hurt. But no body cares about that.

Caring. The worst and best action.

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