This weekend I came to a realization. I don’t want to die alone. Granted I’m only 24 and have a whole life ahead of me. But the thought of being alone for the rest of my life scares me. The thought came from a very superficial thought but there’s so much depth behind it all.
The superficial thought or feeling if you so… was that I don’t get enough attention in Colorado…from guys. Yes superficial. Probably annoying to most. Like I know I’m not ugly but in a group of women I’m not picked out as a pretty one. Or the one a guy wants to take out or even talk to. I have to make all the effort and it’s exhausting.
Now I don’t mind making the first move. But here in Colorado, or lately when I do, it gives the guy a big head and more motive to be a dick. Complimenting guys is like setting yourself up for failure.
You probably think I should just stay single. But I have been single for a year. Then your next statement will be that I should focus on me. Which I don’t disagree with. But I need another distraction for me to follow through with that. Or someone to keep me accountable.
I spoke with my mom about it, and to have a companion (yes I want a companion not a husband) in life you don’t find them in bars. And you don’t want to either. But even though I understand that, what I don’t understand is where people find such men.
Like when you’re not in school, where and how do you meet such respectable men. A fucking grocery store? Like I believe shit like that is a myth and I’m just so unlucky.
But only god knows what he wants for me.