The Funny Thing Is

Back on my birthday weekend, I got no attention. It was weird, because I always get attention, especially when it’s my birthday. Yeah, some guys bought me shots, but it wasn’t the “birthday attention” you expected, you know? But that woke me up. I decided that the year of 24, I would stop looking for just any attention from guys and stop being sexual with guys. The next guy that I would need anything from would be the guy I was dating. And normally if I put my mind to it, it happens.

A week later, my friends sister came into town and we went out. It was a normal outing – drinking, dancing, and complimenting – yes complimenting. I don’t know if anyone else gets in the stage of drunkenness where they start complimenting people. I mean yes 9 times out of 10 the person will just be selfish or rude and say “oh thanks” or “i know”. But there is always that one person out of the many who actually respect you stepping out of your way and saying something nice to them. My trick is to point out specific aspects of their face or clothing. It shows that you actually are paying attention to them, unlike just saying someone is pretty or cute. That’s boring.

Well this particular night it was last call. Everyone one I was with was drunk off their asses and trying to find our rides home. I lost two of my friends and passed the bathroom on my way out and saw something rare – a black / mixed guy with blue eyes. Now I may be crazy, but I can’t walk by and not say anything. But I also know that conversation to this day is very blurry, but I still remember what I led with and what I remember. I either said he was beautiful (cliche, i know) and/or that he had beautiful eyes. Normally I just leave it at that and continue walking. *Here enters the rarity* He accepted the compliment and told me to come back. Now this part of the conversation I have no recollection of. He could tell you that part. Long story short he got my number and we started texting. I will admit all I remembered was that his name started with a J. And for like 3 days after , I thought his name was Jason. I’m so glad it wasn’t Jason. It’s Joseph.

Later that week, I found myself making a slip up literally 10 days into my truths to myself. But the next day I was considered his, and basically in a relationship. Now, yes, we all know I don’t believe in such things. Relationships. The act of being dependent on someone else. The act of co-dependency. The act of caring for another human being. The act of having feelings. The act of it moving forward to marriage and kids. *shivers* I’m a known player, but I dropped all my hoes for him. It’s like the act of you trusting yourself to be with someone without actually knowing what you’re getting into, but still pushing forth with it. I don’t know if that makes any sense at all.

He’s a Leo. I’m a Gemini. We don’t have many problems, yet for I’m emotional AF and he is well an attention whore and hates texting. We each have our many issues, but for the first time, I don’t see our issues as flaws. I think we both bring out the better person in each other. Yet, it has only been a month and some change, it feels like forever. It might be me with the amount of emotion and care I have put into it, or it could just be how the relationship is set up. (I say it like someone is controlling the relationship, Yet honestly someone *god* could be. We will never know)

It just amazes me how I could hate something so much one second and the next I find myself apart of the thing that I hate. Yet I don’t hate myself for being apart of it. It is truly amazing how life works and how one person can change your perspective on your life choices.


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